Ok, so its been a couple of days since my last post! LOL
Nothing much has been going on. Just being consistent.
Consistent in my eating; consistent in my exercise.
Oh, wait. Something has changed. I lost 4lbs of body fat!
We also picked strawberries at the farm. Enjoy the pictures.
Strawberry Patch
That was the subject of the First Annual National Black Women’s Life Balance and Wellness Conference held in Atlanta, GA this past weekend July 15-17 at the Atlanta University Center. According to the web site, this conference was for Black women who were seeking life balance and wellness in their lives. I can honestly say this conference provided so much more.
From the opening activity where we defined for ourselves “Black women,” “life balance” and wellness, to the keynote address where we learned the physical and emotional toll the myth of the “strong black woman” has taken on black women to the Zumba session, to the closing reflection activity–this conference was transformational indeed.
Not only was I a participant this weekend during the conference, I also presented a workshop entitled, “Hey Skinny Girl! Who Me!”: How to Lose 100lbs Without Losing Yourself and Your Mind.” I decided to present this workshop for several reasons. There are so many books that have been written on how to lose weight, what to eat, what exercises to do, etc., but not many have explored life after weight loss or the process that one goes through as he/she loses a significant amount of weight. I wanted to have a conversation with women about this very topic and get deeper into the meanings of why we are overweight and what we can do to make our minds, emotions, and spirits healthier–so that we can then tackle our physical unhealthiness.
I can say the workshop exceeded my expectations. My only goal was to get women talking about weight and the issues that concern them regarding this subject and this was exactly what happened. By sharing my story and my struggle, true conversation emerged and women were vulnerable. They shared that losing weight wasn’t difficult; what was difficult was dealing with and working throught all of the emotions and feelings that caused the weight gain in the first place. Women felt safe to share in my workshop and I was thankful for that.
I feel I received more from the workshop then I gave. Near the end of the workshop one sister asked me, “what next?” Earlier, I had mentioned to the group that this was my first time presenting and sharing my story. The question gave me pause because at that moment I really didn’t know “what next” for me. However, after a minute of thinking, I said more presentations, specifically in the community where I reside and possibly a book.
After the workshop this same sister came up to me and helped me see that my presentation could be the basic outline for the book. I looked at her in a amazement because though people have told me before that I should write a book on this topic, I’d never given it serious thought. In that moment, I saw that a book could be written and that I could write it.
So, next steps…I am going to set up a workshop in Madison, WI during the fall. I am going to begin speaking with women who have been on the journey that I have been on and I am going to seriously think about what a book would look like.
Wow.
From this conference and from my time in Atlanta with friends, I took away that life balance for me is being open to accepting encouragement, advice, and help from unexpected places.
Happy 29th Birthday to Me! 
At the beginning of my presentation, I shared with the sisters in the room that sharing my story in this way was my 29th birthday present to myself. Later in the day a group of women and I went to dinner at a local restaurant in Atlanta. One of my friends told the waiter it was my birthday (it was July 4, but who says I can’t celebrate all month?!) and out came this lovely piece of chocolate cheesecake, with a candle in it, of course. While I know that what one wishes as he/she blows out the candle is a secret, I have learned that I can not keep my wishes secret because in order for them to come true, I need help, support and encouragement. So, as I blew out my candle, I wished and prayed for strength to complete what I have started and confidence to walk in who I am. With my sisters and my friends, I know my wish will come true!
My birthday is July 4th and I’m actually a little excited this year. Last year, I honestly DREADED my 28th birthday. I was having an early, “I’m going to be 30 and I feel so un-accomplished” moment. This year, I still feel rather unaccomplished, or should I say “almost finished” (and not “in-complete”) in some areas, but I am not letting those feelings preoccupy my mind and ruin my celebration!
Also, June is the half-year mark. So many of us decided on New Year’s resolution or set new goals in January, what came of them? I stopped setting New Year’s resolutions a couple of years ago, feeling that I didn’t need a new year to make goals and work toward them. As I near my 29th birthday, I do have some goals to reach before the BIG 3-0!!!! Continue reading
Is Black An Antonym for Healthy? From Frugivore Fruitful Lifestyle Magazine
Over the past couple of days, I have noticed two articles on two of the sites I check daily. Both written by Arielle Loren, their underlying message questions the trend facing many African-Americans regarding health. In these articles, Loren explores and questions the connections between food, access to quality food, health, healthy lifestyles, weight, and African Americans. Why is it that African American women have the highest rates of being overweight and obese? Why are African Americans seen as unhealthy? Continue reading
Two posts in one day! Well, I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to share the good news! About a month ago I applied to present at a conference. As a graduate student, we apply to conferences all the time, so applying for a conference is no biggie for me. However, I was extremely nervous about this conference because its not an academic conference. I applied to present a workshop at the Black Women’s Life Balance and Wellness Conference this July in Atlanta, GA.
This year, I turn 29. Last year, I turned myself into a nervous wreck as I turned 28 because I was so distraught that 28 was so close to 30. LOL I felt my life was so incomplete. I hadn’t finished my PhD, I was still unhappy in my body, I hadn’t met my prince charming. Life was so in a flux! Well, I turned 28 and the world didn’t end! Instead, it actually BEGAN! Continue reading
Me in my "Reward" Dress from White House, Black Market. I bought this dress as a "reward" for completing the Photo Shoot Challenge and finally got to wear it!
To be quite honest, when I started my weight loss journey 14 months ago, I was afraid to verbalize my goals for fear that I wouldn’t quite reach them. However, as time progressed, I grew more comfortable saying, “I want to lose 100lbs.” As I articulated my goals, believed in them, and worked toward them, I began to achieve them.
Today, I have yet another reason to celebrate. Today, it is official: I have lost 100lbs.
The video below is posted on Dustin Maher’s web site! He interviewed a few of us after Boot Camp on Friday, February 11, 2011. Combined, we have lost a total of over 300lbs.
In the video we each share our top 3 tips that have led to our wonderful transformations. If you don’t want to watch the video, read the blog post over on Dustin’s web site, which lists the 15 tips and includes before photos from the women.
Exercise:
Madison Fit Fun Boot Camp DOUBLER! (50 min x 2)
Eating:
5:00am Strawberry Protein Smoothie (with 1/2 cup OJ and h2o)
9:00am Egg White Omelet w/Spinach
11:30am Greek Yogurt w/ Blueberries
4:00pm 4oz turkey breast, grapes, apples, 2oz cheddar cheese (OMG, I haven’t had cheese in months. My stomach is ok…so far!)
6:30pm 1 cup red lentil soup, 1 piece of pita bread, Mixed Green Salad w/chicken and Balsamic Vinaigrette Continue reading
25 days until the photo shoot!
Exercise:
Sweatbox (step box) Circuit with Jump Rope Intervals (50 minutes)
Abs and Arms (25 minutes)
Zumba (25 minutes)
Eating:
5:30am Banana and 12 almonds
8:00am ¾ cup almond milk, 1 scoop of protein (18 g), and 5 frozen strawberries
11:00am Green salad with baked chicken, red peppers, green peppers, green onions, grape tomatoes, avocado, drizzle of EVOO and Red Wine Vinegar
2:30pm Grape tomatoes, 9 almonds, 1 oz chicken breast
6:00pm 3 oz baked chicken, 1/2 cup of Crystal’s Sweet Potato Delight!, green salad (everything above minus avocado) Continue reading
I don’t have to turn sideways to walk down most aisles, but I still do turn sideways—out of habit.
I don’t have to worry about sitting on the bus and spilling over into the other seat, but I still do worry—out of habit.
I don’t have to shop at Lane Bryant, Ashley Stewart, or the “Women’s Plus” section of most stores anymore, but I still do go into these stores and these sections—out of habit.
Although I have lost 80lbs and currently wear the average size of American women, I still find myself doing things I used to do when I was morbidly obese. And I keep asking myself why. Although I have lost the weight, something still has not clicked, fully, in my brain.
I have been blessed to workout with some of the best trainers in this country: Dustin Maher, Abby Brockman, and Andrea “Dre” Nichols Everett. They have taught me all I know about health, nutrition, and the role of exercise in a healthy lifestyle. However, none of these trainers have ever been morbidly obese (at least not to my knowledge) and so for all the preparation and knowledge I have received regarding getting to where I am today physically, I have not been prepared to deal with this new me. Nobody told me that there would be a mind-body disconnect. What I mean is that some days I have to remind myself that I am no longer morbidly obese. While I have not reached my goals as of today, I know I no longer weigh nearly 300lbs and I will never weigh nearly 300lbs again. Physically, I know I have lost weight; I know I look different; I feel different; I am stronger. However, mentally and emotionally, to be quite honest, some days I still feel “fat.”
I feel this way because as much I would like to say I am not influenced by society, I am. And, how could I not be? For as long as I can remember, I have been treated differently because of the weight I carried. Additionally, I remain aware of how people who are overweight are treated. I see the glances given by some when a person who is overweight comes down the aisle. I hear the self-deprecating remarks. I see the despair in the eyes of those who have tried to lose weight but have been unable to do so. I have been the comic relief, hoping to deflect attention away from myself. I have been the person who preferred to go shopping alone because my less heavy friends drove me crazy going into ALL of the mall stores when there were only two “specialty” stores for me—these friends were usually oblivious to this fact. I have owned the labels “fat” and “plus-sized,” lest I give someone else the opportunity to label me in these ways, first, without my permission. I have said that I am ok in my skin, when in reality, I’ve always dreamt of being healthier and…smaller. I have secretly wished to be on the Biggest Loser show because I felt I could not lose the weight on my own. I have felt all and done most of these things in the recent past. And yet, though I have lost a significant amount of weight and dress sizes, sometimes I still feel “plus-sized.”
How does one rid herself of this feeling? Of 27 years worth of “the presence of fat=bad” from her psyche? I replace these falsities with TRUTH. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The hairs on my head were determined before I was conceived. When God created me, God smiled and said, “She is good.” I know this. I believe this. I walk in this knowledge. I look in the mirror and marvel at the shape of my face; the complexion of my skin; the fine curls that frame my face; my one eyebrow raised in quizzical expression; and my mocha colored eyes. I am awed when I realize my physical strength: when I see the definition of my calves; when my biceps and triceps lift weight the equivalent of what I have lost; and when my cardiovascular and respiratory system propel me up 2,109 steps. And, doing these things does not make me conceited or arrogant.
I am learning to love me—all of me! Not just my intellect, or my wisdom, but also this vessel God has made me a steward over. As I learn more about the human body and all of its capacity, I realize what a wonderful opportunity we have all been given. I spent most of my life misusing and abusing this opportunity. Yet, the moment I made a conscious decision to start appreciating and honoring my body, my body responded—and it keeps on responding. I am amazed by the complexity of the human body.
I know NO ONE personally who has naturally lost the amount of weight I have. We are inundated with how-to guides, manuals, books, and new diet plans but no one has written the book on what happens after—probably because the health/nutrition industry is booming and most investors don’t really want people to lose weight—it has turned into a profit industry. And, if the problem of obesity were solved, what would people like Jillian Michaels do for a living? However, for all the information we have about physically losing the weight—these “experts” are not prepared to teach about the emotional and spiritual ramifications of weight loss. Perhaps, that’s why most people re-gain the weight they lost. Though the pounds have disappeared, the pain is still present and most are not adequately prepared to deal with this.
So what do you do?
What do I do?
I A.C.T.:
A= accept who and where I am. Accepting who and where I am allows me to honor myself in my present moment. To do this I reflect on where I have come from and the lessons I have learned. As I am a perpetual planner, I tend to sometimes live in the possibilities of the future. However, I am learning to be in the moment and appreciate the joy and importance of each moment I have been given.
C= create healthy communities of support Close friends who believe in and who remind me of who I am when I have forgotten help me grow. They also push me to go beyond myself and seek help when I need it.
T= tell my story This has been difficult because I am an intensely private person. I don’t volunteer personal information about myself. I can let an entire conversation go by without volunteering my personal experience—although I never fall short on giving advice or doling out an intellectual perspective. I am beginning to feel comfortable talking about my past and my current life journeys. I know my walking in power and freedom will help somebody else to do so. Despite how hard it is; I keep putting one foot in front of the other.
So what happens when the “fat” girl is no longer “fat”?
She rids herself of society’s falsities. The definition of “fat” is an ever-changing, media-driven, social construction. Defining oneself by this term can only lead to emotional crisis.
She replaces false constructions with TRUTH.
She A.C.T.s.
She hopes, prays, and tries to make this world a place where being overweight and/or obese does not wreck havoc on the mental and emotional well being of those who live with this condition.
Most importantly, she CONTINUESto loves herself, all of herself, unconditionally, knowing that despite the new position in which she finds herself, the essence of her spirit, GOD, has remained unchanged.
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